I find my mailbag these days is dominated by letters of complaint. I cite here a typical example: “Dear Proprietor, I have read the sample chapters, I have my £2.99 at the ready, I have no intention of waiting for those nice capitalists at Amazon to ‘price match’ your work down to 1p, but I find I simply cannot wait until October for my copy of Pardon Me: A Victorian Farce. I have tried reading We Must Talk About Kevin as you were kind enough to suggest, but found it not one bit funny at all. Please help…”

To you and the rest of my mildly disturbed clientele I offer the following titbits to tide you over till the nights draw in and October tis upon us. Knock one’s self out.